Restaurant review – Marco Pierre White Steakhouse Bar & Grill, Ferensway, Hull
@RogerCrow


Three years ago I checked into a London restaurant at 10.30pm; tried to read the menu in semi-darkness and hear the waiter while a band was in full swing. Communication problems aside, it was one of my favourite dining experiences of recent years.
Though the ambience in Marco Pierre White’s Steakhouse Bar & Grill is a lot less noisy (it’s really very pleasant), I’m also having trouble reading the menu. Though beautifully arranged, the light colour of the description below the black title just vanishes in dim light. (Unless you’re my long suffering better half who could read every word).

Thankfully the tiny serif font is one of the few problems I face during one of my favourite dining experiences of this year.
Obviously there haven’t been many with the world dealing with you know what, but when this opportunity arises I grab it with both hands.
A new autumnal menu has been unveiled, and the specials feature a range of “delicious game inspired dishes that combines traditional British recipes with classic French cooking techniques.”
There’s certainly no shortage of choice, whether you want a seasonal dish or a good old burger.
From the minute my partner and I mask up and enter the elegant DoubleTree by Hilton hotel lobby, scan the QR code to check in and sanitise our hands, we are shown to our table, and treated like royalty. (Amazing to think 12 months ago masked arrivals could have led to a security issue).
The restaurant is fabulous, with its elegant decor and comfy seating. The staff also operate like the cogs of a Swiss watch: friendly, well informed, and unlike some eateries, they never outstay their welcome.

Squinting at the menu, I opt for smoked salmon, which comes with lemon in muslin (always one of my favourite touches to avoid playing ’hunt the lemon pip’); capers; red onion and plenty of buttered brown bread. At £8.95, in this setting, it’s spot on.
Rachel’s Beetroot and Goat’s Cheese Salad with candied walnuts and Merlot vinegar goes down rather well too. “The cheese overpowers the beetroot in some respects, but that’s not such a bad thing. And the walnuts were lovely.”
Patrick, our waiter, does a superb job throughout the evening, and though it’s a small thing, everything we order arrives in a reasonable time – and above all, correct.

During a recent dining experience, I got the wrong drink and a side – though ordered twice – never arrived at all. Hardly a deal breaker, but little things like that make the difference between a good restaurant and a great one. And this is definitely the latter.
As impressive as the seasonal menu looks, I go for The John Lennon burger, and my magical culinary tour turns out to be near perfection on a plate. A nicely toasted brioche bun (not always a given in some restaurants); deliciously crispy onion rings; excellent melted Cheddar, Colonel Mustard Mayo and a burger with zero gristle. It’s cooked superbly and the quality of the meat is savoured in every bite. The side of chips are spot on as well; crispy, beautifully cooked and very tasty. At £16.50, you want a restaurant burger to be good, and this, combined with the ambience, service and experience is worth every penny.

Rachel’s Wheeler’s Fish Cake with soft boiled egg, sauce tartare and buttered leaf spinach also proves to be well worth it. Again it’s beautifully prepared, mouthwatering and the flavours complement one another nicely.
Obviously at £14.95, it’s not cheap, but as it’s “one of the best she’s had” during years of trying many around the UK, you get what you pay for. In this case, excellence.
One of the things I’ve missed during the ’disaster movie of 2020’ is dining with a bunch of strangers, whether it’s the besotted daters on a nearby table, or the duo who might have had one too many next to us, but are just enjoying life. There’s nothing more optimistic than that buzz of people having fun, albeit at a safe distance.

And that community experience is worth its weight in gold as we soak up the ambience, and press on with desserts.
Now cheesecake falls into three camps: the overly sweet, which is good when done right; the stuff which is a little too cheesy, and that sweet spot in the middle is an art form. Here the chefs have crafted a masterpiece with Mr White’s Cheesecake. With its blueberry sauce, and a little pouring cream, it’s one of my favourite desserts of recent years. And at £7.50 is an excellent price.
Rachel’s Apple and Almond Crumble with butterscotch sauce also proves a winner. (On this occasion she’s sadly denied custard).
Going out on any Saturday night these days is a rarity, so it’s a treat to get dressed up and enjoy a well organised, beautifully prepared meal in such a great setting.

We finish with a couple of cappuccinos, which could be just a generic frothy coffee in some restaurants, but this is the real deal. Deliciously creamy with that welcome caffeine hit. Also worth every penny.
Of all the meals I’ve been to in Hull over the past 30 years, this is easily the best, and good to know that three years after we dined at one of his establishments, MPW is still THE MVP in the restaurant business.
When we return, sooner rather than later, I’ll just come armed with stronger reading glasses.
Ends.

Roger Crow

I’ve no idea what The Old Bank used to be called the last time Mrs C and I popped in for lunch. I do remember being stressed one weekend lunchtime when the place was packed to the rafters and we struggled to get a table. The fact it’s about five years since we returned says a lot about our experience. But when invited to sample the same place’s new array of goodies, it’s so much better.

Obviously with social distancing, there’s a lot less folks dining and drinking, which is fine by us. We feel a lot less stressed, and the place has obviously benefited from the £360,000-plus revamp.

When the place closed on March 8 for refurbishment, due to the COVID-19 lockdown the reopening was delayed. Thankfully it was well worth the wait. Spanning two floors, the new-look Old Bank has been generating a lot of interest, pun intended. The Press blurb boasts it has “created a warm, inviting interior with ‘Snugs’ created to enjoy a more intimate dining experience.”I can’t argue with that. The staff are excellent, and as we enjoy a window seat on an overcast day, there’s no shortage of goodies on offer.

The new food and drinks menu is filled with pub-classics, including freshly battered fish and chips, which I would have defaulted to anyway. The fact a 50p donation goes to ’NHS Charities Together’ from each sale is all the more reason.

Pubs thrive and survive on the good old Sunday Lunch, and free top-ups of roasties, Yorkshire puddings and gravy gives us a good excuse to come back. We didn’t get to sample the beer garden (completely refurbished, with new furniture and an AstroTurfed lawn), but again, that’s one for another trip.

Sport has never been my thing, but if it’s yours, there’s no shortage of viewing options with 25 TV-screens, and two projector-screens as well as a 70-inch outdoor screen. (Sports fans will be able to use the app to book a table at the Old Bank).

We have a terrific chat with General Manager Adam Johnson, who has exactly the right approach for ensuring customers get great value for money and stay safe during these extraordinary times. Yes, there’s hand sanitiser to keep those germs at bay, and even without the Eat Out To Help Out scheme, customers should save a fair few quid in future.

We enjoyed very generous helpings of the aforementioned fish and chips; fake steak pie (perfect for vegetarians and vegans); katsu chicken curry (yum!), and hunter’s chips (topped with chicken, cheese, bacon and BBQ sauce). They were all brilliantly prepared and very tasty, while the staff did a great job of keeping us well fed.

I enjoyed a terrific shandy and Rachel had a mango and raspberry cider, which also got a big thumbs up. The acid test with any eatery review is would we return in future? At those prices, and with such stress-free atmosphere, not to mention great drinks and dishes, without a doubt.In fact I’m already suffering from withdrawal symptoms. (Banks? Withdrawal? No? Please yourself).

*To book a table and to find more information about The Old Bank’s participance in the Eat Out To Help Out scheme, as well as details on the pub’s COVID-secure measures in place, please visit: https://www.greatukpubs.co.uk/the-old-bank-york

Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

When I’m invited to attend The Grand Cookery School’s first birthday, I don’t need to think twice. A few years earlier, my partner and I enjoyed one of our favourite meals at The Grand, one of York’s finest restaurants. When we return, the lure of an in-depth demonstration from Head Chef Andrew Dixon is too good to resist.

I’ve long loved cooking, but hampered by a small kitchen and a broken cooker at home that would need a NASA expert to fix, the sight of the Cookery School’s array of oven and kit is like a dream come true. It helps that Andrew is the perfect tutor, even if the array of nibbles he kept placing in front of us is so tempting there’s a serious danger of over indulgence before we’ve cooked a thing.
I’ve never prepared beef Wellington and loaded potato skins, but after our expert demonstration of both, I’m sure anything is possible.

And it’s not long before Rachel and I are scooping out jacket potatoes, chopping red onion in a way that won’t lead to tears, and coming to terms with that dream oven. While the wine flows, we chat to the other fellow classmates, and it’s reassuring to see that most are in the same boat. What transpires is one of the most enjoyable evenings we’ve had in many a moon.

With the loaded spuds in the oven, properly seasoned, with loads of grated cheddar, we get started on the Wellington. While fiddling with the extractor fan and coming to terms with that dream hob, it’s time to seal an impressive hunk of beef.
The evening is accompanied by a playlist of eighties classics, which adds to the fun element. I can only imagine how well a cookery class like this would work as a team-building exercise, or for singletons wanting to meet fellow gastronauts and have a laugh in the process.

As the wine flows, there are giggles aplenty as we amateurs try and recall Andrew’s expert instructions. There’s none of that Ramsay-style outrage synonymous with high pressure cooking shows. The atmosphere here is pure fun, and the fact Rachel gets to cook a vegetable Wellington means she doesn’t feel out of the loop.

Thankfully most of the prep has been done for us, which is half the battle. Wrapping pancakes and adding mouthwatering filling to the beef is a hugely engaging process, and before long I’ve even created that pastry lattice for the top of my masterpiece. With an egg wash on the beef Wellington, while that’s in the oven we create the sauce. Fried shallots, stock and a lot of reduction turns the deglazed pan into a bubbling liquid for what turns out to be one of the best meals of recent years. With the aid of a thermometer, I check the core of the beef, and it’s pretty perfect.

With the filled jacket potatoes, beef Wellington and sauce, every mouthful is incredible. Which sounds pretty arrogant considering I cooked it, but after years of reviewing restaurants, that USP factor is a must for any foodie who wants to try something different.
You obviously get out of life what you put in, and that extra hard work is in every mouthful. The fact we all get to sit down after the cookery session and talk about the night is such a wonderful communal experience, I’d recommend it to anyone.
The creamy dessert is an added bonus. I’m just glad I still have enough room for it.
After 15 years, the fact Rachel and I finally get to cook together is one of those experiences we’ll not forget in a hurry. Great food, terrific instruction and wonderful facilities make this a must for those who are either expert chefs or amateurs who want to learn more than just spag bol. Neither of us would need much persuading in doing the whole thing again.
Ends

Zaap Thai, York
By Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

Blade Runner gifted us with a vision of November 2019 that was endlessly ripped off. The hustle and bustle of a gloriously exotic downtown LA proved far more compelling than the real thing. My idea of heaven has long been a Thai restaurant that has the flavour of those opening scenes, when Harrison Ford is torn away from his street noodle bar and embarks on an incredible adventure. 

Thai restaurants have become my default happy eateries whenever I get the chance. Alas, that’s long been a problem because living in the back of beyond, I usually have to go some distance to find a decent restaurant giving me a flavour of Bangkok. And when I do find one, they’re usually very refined, posh and a little predictable. 
Occasionally I want something more urban and street savvy. 
So when offered the chance to check out York’s new branch of Zaap Thai, I don’t need to think twice. 

Within seconds of being seated in the heaving restaurant, Rachel and I feel like we’ve been transported to another country. I doubt there was a conscious desire to match Ridley Scott’s seminal Blade Runner, though we are now in the same time zone the film was set. The attention to detail is phenomenal, with a mix of murals, ephemera and graffiti giving it that lived-in vibe. Little wonder the place is so full. 

The menu is as dazzling as the decor, and while munching on delicious prawn crackers, it’s not long before the Bangkok Platter catches my eye. A selection of five popular street nibbles: steamed pork and prawn dumpling; crispy wonton stuffed with chicken and prawn; chicken satay, chicken gyoza and Thai fish cake. Together with my Chang beer, I’m transported to another world. 

All great eateries should have that transformative effect, a feeling of theatre as well as obviously delivering great food at an affordable price. This ticks so many boxes. 
Rachel’s equally thrilled with her vegetarian dish, Pad Thai Bo Ran (noodles, egg, spring onions, tofu and peanuts), not to mention a tasty cocktail which should come with the warning: may generate giggles. 

The staff are excellent and ensure we have everything we need for a great night out. The open kitchen means you can watch your food being prepared, and the consensus from other diners is pretty good too. There’s a lot of happy punters here tonight. 
It’s rare with any meal that I savour every mouthful, but this is one of those privileged evenings where we’re both singing from the same culinary hymn sheet. 
Over the years I’ve seen restaurants you wouldn’t believe, and this has rocketed to the top five of my favourites. 

There’s no doubt we’d return in a heart beat. After all, that’s a big menu, and I’m keen to see if the rest of the dishes live up to the quality of my Bangkok Platter. Given the amount of superlatives we dispense, Rachel wouldn’t need much persuading either. 
Thank you… or rather K̄hxbkhuṇ Zaap Thai. An outstanding experience which, like my favourite film, is out of this world. 
Ends. 

Hotel review

Crowne Plaza, Albert Embankment, London

By Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

When I’ve spent most of the day travelling, all I want is to kick my shoes off, have a decent cuppa and crash out in front of a TV. After a week of trekking around Spain, soaking up the sun and culture, what better way to round off a big wedding anniversary than in a spot of London luxury?

My partner and I have just flown back from Seville; spent two hours on a coach from Stansted, and after enduring a crowded Tube at rush hour, we made our way to an establishment I’ve been looking forward to all week: the Crowne Plaza, Albert Embankment.

A short walk from the back of MI5 and with a glorious view of Big Ben, I’m glad to escape from the hustle and bustle of commuters and into the wondrous bubble of hotel life.

When it welcomed its first customers in May 2018, this was the first luxury hotel to open in the Albert Embankment area.

It’s very handy for those who may need to visit the nearby American Embassy, to renew travel visas for example, or like us, weary travellers who are in town for a few days, or hours.

Check-in is fast and efficient, and within no time we’re whisked via lift to the 12th floor, where our stylish room awaits.

And it’s a view to die for with Parliament on the horizon and the Thames like a visual magnet.

Our home for 16 hours has everything we hoped for, from posh coffee-maker; kettle; assorted teas and one of those beds you sink into.

There’s obviously a mini bar too, and a welcome array of cheeses and fruits.

The colour scheme mixes muted tones with maroon and rust hues. Very stylish.

The 40-inch plasma TV is stunning, and the WiFi will have you online in no time.

Should you have trouble sleeping, a pillow spray helps ease that problem. It’s always the little touches that impress me most.

There’s enough time to soak up that view, enjoy a coffee and revel in the glorious shower before dinner.

Actually that bathroom is far too good to skip over. It’s spotless, and contains an actual bath (not always a given in many hotels), while the easy-to-use shower contains the overhead waterfall facility and the standard shower head.

There’s none of that faffing around with heat settings ranging from too hot to too cold in a heartbeat. It’s so simple I wish more hotel showers were this good.

Night lights ensure you can nip to the loo in your (provided) fluffy robe and slippers without waking your partner.

And then there’s the toilet. Not something I’ve spent a lot of time assessing in any hotel review over the years.

This one looks like it has beamed in from Captain Kirk’s quarters with a range of settings, including a heated-seat mode.

This is one of the greatest hotel loos ever. I’ll not go into too many details, but let’s just say it will leave any resident flush with admiration. (Sorry/not sorry).

So, having freshened up, and donned something more presentable, it’s time for dinner at POTUS.

The hotel’s impressive restaurant prides itself on quality food and service, and there’s no complaints from us as we settle in.

Our host is charming and knows the menu inside out, though as I’ve already had a sneak peek at it online, the clam chowder, and green Thai curry with chicken is a must for me. And when it arrives the food does not disappoint. The chowder is one of the best I’ve tasted, and the bread and butter goes down a treat. The main is equally moreish. Beautifully tender chicken in a sauce that’s not too spicy; excellent rice, and sides of sweet potato fries and baby carrots ensure I’m in culinary heaven.

Rachel’s goat’s cheese starter with carrots also goes down very well, while beer-battered hake with chunky chips and peas is an ideal main. “The best fish and chips I’ve probably ever had,” is the verdict, and having tried a sample, I find it hard to disagree.

We have a great couple of hours chatting to our host about food, wine and my “tactical portion control”, aka leaving enough room for dessert.

Talking of which, Rachel’s banoffee bomb is a masterpiece of mouthwatering theatre, disintegrating before our eyes, in more ways than one.

My tiramisu (in the shape of a cocoa-dusted coffee bean) with a sphere of vanilla ice cream and orange gel is a nice twist on the old Italian staple. It’s not what you’d expect from the usual dessert, and is beautifully presented, as are all the dishes.

The wine is also excellent, from the Viu 1, a full bodied Malbec 2013 palate-tickler to the recommended 2018 California white Zinfandel, Another Story. “Hugely juicy!” raves one review. And I can see why.

The good news is the prices aren’t so steep you need oxygen. (I picked up one of the hotel’S reward cards to get a percentage off rooms and food next time I’m passing. Normally I don’t bother with such things, but this is just the sort of place I’d take friends when we’re in town).

It could have been a formal dinner in an elegant dining room, but it’s so much more. The decor is very tasteful, and as it’s an American-themed eatery, there’s little wonder the portraits of US presidents on one wall are a focal point.

Defeated by a little too much food, we retire for the evening.

After a wonderful night’s sleep in our luxurious king-sized bed, I soak up that incredible dawn view of the Thames before we enjoy breakfast in one of the business-like club rooms.

Cereal, apple juice, cappuccino and salmon croissants set us up for the day, and the POTUS theme continues with caricatures of US presidents dominating one wall.

Once packed, check-out proves as fast and efficient as when we arrived.

As we’d never explored Albert Embankment, it proves a great experience staying at one of its finest, and newest hotels. London hostelries are forever fascinating, whether in the heart of the West End like our stay a week earlier, or here in a far ’quieter’ neck of the woods. (If any part of the capital can be called quiet).

“London is a bad habit one hates to lose,” wrote one anonymous scribe. I’m constantly amazed at how that “bad habit” is continuously fuelled by hotels and sights which linger in the heart long after I close my own front door.

This jewel in London’s Crowne (yes, with an e) has thankfully done little to help my habit. I can’t wait to return.

Ends.

Hotel review

Victory House, Leicester Square, London

By Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

Ah London. Forever changing like the cityscapes from Doctor Strange, especially as it’s been a while since my last visit.

Of course some things never change that much. Leicester Square for example, the heart of the UK movie industry, where Tom Cruise spends hours chatting to fans before a premiere, and millions mingle here 365 days a year.

Getting a decent hotel is everything if you have business on the doorstep, or just want to be in the heart of cinema and theatre land.

Having visited the area countless times, I’ve never been lucky enough to try out the local hostelries, until now.

While en route to Seville, my wife and I are in town celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and want an evening to remember.

She’s booked tickets for a concert version of Les Miserables, and the fact the Gielgud Theatre is a few minutes’ walk from the Victory House hotel just off Leicester Square is a massive bonus. None of that travelling across London on packed Tubes at rush hour to ensure we get where we need to be in time. And obviously the fact there’s no shortage of affordable eateries on the doorstep is equally terrific.

So what of the hotel itself? Well, from the minute we arrive on a rainy Friday afternoon, the service is excellent. A guy on the door helps us in; check-in is fast and efficient, and within about five minutes, we’ve taken a lift to the second floor and found our room.

It’s an incredibly stylish hotel which echoes the cinematic roots of the region. A mix of black and white, Art Deco styling, with a clever video running on a loop by the lifts is a nice touch.

The room is compact but terrific, with tea and coffee-making facilities as standard. Always a must for any decent hotel, and not a bad cuppa either. The bathroom is elegant, with a wonderful spotless shower, sink and loo.

And with a view overlooking Leicester Square, there’s plenty of time for people-watching, or in my case setting up a time lapse video to see life go by at an accelerated speed.

The bed, as you might expect, is wonderfully comfortable, and there’s an HD TV for those moments when you just want to chill out.

Obviously as this is one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, it’s not quiet outside, so best to go to bed tired as partygoers will be up ’til all hours. A small price to pay for such an experience.

Before we nip to the theatre, we ask the guys on reception if they would print our boarding passes for the next day’s flight. And they couldn’t be more helpful. It’s little touches like that which make the difference between a good hotel and a great one.

Following the show, and the luxury of strolling back to the hotel, it’s one of those evenings we’ll never forget.

Because the bed is so comfortable, I’m soon out like a light and enjoy a wonderful night. Yes, the pulsing sound of London does interrupt the odd dream, but in a weird way, that’s half the experience. Forget New York, New York. I don’t mind waking up in a city that never sleeps, even if it is in the early hours.

Breakfast, which is served from 7am in the hotel’s elegant cafe/dining area, is a help- yourself feast of staples, from cereals, to croissants, bacon, scrambled eggs, beans, bacon and terrific sausages. The perfect set up for a very long day ahead.

As we race off to the Tube to catch our bus to Stansted, it’s hard not to be reminded of those classic lyrics “Goodbye Piccadilly (Line), farewell Leicester Square.”

When it comes to cracking hotels like Victory House, my heart’s (still) right there.

Ends

Boringdon Hall Hotel and Spa, Plymouth 

Hotel review

The Tennants Arms Hotel, Kilnsey

By Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

How shall I describe my dessert? It’s like an angel wept chocolate tears of happiness that formed an archipelago of fondant onto a liquid cloud of peanut butter.

Outside, a chorus of lambs, geese and chickens are providing the soundtrack to my sun-kissed evening. A few miles up the road is Malham Cove, where Harry Potter seemed to spend hours camping in the first Deathly Hallows (the film I dubbed Harry On Camping), and across the road, lambs are bouncing around like Tigger in fields which look like a page from an idyllic Yorkshire calendar.

As random days off go, this is the one I’ll remember when I look back on 2019.

I’m in Kilnsey where the new owners of The Tennants Arms Hotel have invited me to stay. Given the fact the place is so popular, I’m not surprised many weekends are booked up, so with a Monday free, I throw some things in a case and head off.

Two hours after setting off, and a great drive through Harrogate, and past old haunts in Skipton and Burnsall (because I missed a turn off), I’m on the doorstep. And it’s a terrific place. Spacious bar area, good service and prices which won’t break the bank.

I check in at 3pm and my room proves to be very attractive. Comfy bed, tastefully decorated. Window seat/sill for watching the world go by and a great bathroom, with an actual bath, shower and everything you’d expect from a decent hotel room.

So, priorities. Can I get a decent cuppa?

Thankfully there’s a kettle and a selection of hot drinks available, along with milk sachets and a couple of welcome biscuits.

Should you run out of tea or coffee, there’s more sachets on the landing, which is a nice touch. There’s also a small TV, which sometimes annoys me if too far away or angled in sunlight, but in this case it’s more than adequate.

There’s plenty to do on the doorstep, from horse riding and cycling to rock climbing. However, as this is a glorified flying visit, I have time for a pint and a chance to survey the other rooms before sampling the menu.

And the rooms are terrific. A mixture of styles but all very tastefully done with envious bathrooms and furniture.

I’d heard good things about the food, but of course, the proof of the pudding.

The recommended local Kinsey trout carbonara sounds intriguing, and as I like to leave my comfort zone, I take a punt. It does not disappoint. The fresh egg tagliatelle and fish works perfectly. A great dish, beautifully presented.

The real revelation however, as you’ll have gathered by my introduction, is the chocolate fondant semi fredo with peanut butter and mint. A few weeks ago I had a terrific meal which ticked all the boxes from the service, starter and main to the setting. But then the chocolate dessert arrived and it was a huge let down. No such problems here. A perfect balance of flavours ensure it might be a much needed sugar rush, but it’s not so sickly sweet I am defeated half way through. The fact it’s gluten free is a definite bonus if that’s your Achilles heel.

I have a wander around at sunset to kid myself I’m burning calories, and to film some of the local wildlife. The scenery is amazing.

After a terrific night’s sleep in a very comfy bed, I’m up at the crack of dawn to make the 75-mile journey home.

Thankfully I meet the executive chef and new owner before I leave. At 25, Tom Garland-Jones might look fresh faced, but he has a wealth of international experience under his belt. He’s worked in Michelin restaurants as well as larger hotels in the UK and USA. The publicity blurb suggests he “brings a vibrant and colourful change to menus commonly found at Gastro Pubs and Inns”.

He certainly does that. I thank him for one of the best meals I’ve had all year. The dessert alone was a masterpiece, so even if you don’t plan on staying (though I highly recommend it), at least pop in for dinner.

As bright young British chefs go, Tom is definitely a name to watch, and I won’t need much persuading to pay a return visit next time I’m passing.

Ends.

La Fosse, Cranborne, Dorset
Roger Crow/@RogerCrow

I spent some of my happiest summers as a kid in Dorset, but my last visit was 25 years ago. So, when offered a two-day stay in Cranborne, I don’t need to be asked twice. 

Following a five-hour drive from Yorkshire, it’s around 4.30pm, and we get parked pretty fast outside the hotel. As I have to pay £35 a year to park ’near’ my house, thanks to a controlled parking zone, the concept of free parking without permits or hassle is a very welcome concept. 

La Fosse lounge

Check-in doesn’t take long once we’ve rung the bell. Owner and head chef Mark Hartstone greets us and takes our bags up to our room, Gold Hill. All of the rooms are named after cheeses. As I have a passion for Cheddar and most varieties (unless they’re ’radioactive yellow’ processed slices you get in the States), I like the theme, and the cheese-centric photo over the double bed. Wallace and Gromit would be in their element. 

The decor is a mix of antiques, and modern cool uplighter. I could do without a couple of paintings, but there’s a great antique mirror which makes up for it. Naturally there’s a posh coffee maker, as well as kettle and fresh milk. A mini fridge would have been nice, but there’s a bottle of milk in iced water outside our room should we need more. 
The bathroom is compact, but very modern, with a great shower, shuttered windows and underfloor heating, which is a lovely touch. 

Though the flat screen TV is a little too small (a struggle to read the clues on Pointless), we have been spoiled recently with hotels which are very much all about now. This has one foot in the past, and while some decor works, some doesn’t. Taste is obviously subjective; residents 20 years older than me might love it. 

Thankfully there’s a portable fan, which turns out to be incredibly handy as we enjoy the hottest weekend of the year. 

After meeting relatives for a drink in Wimborne 10 miles away, by the time we return, we consider getting a take out. There’s not much in the immediate area, and as we’re in a bit of a dead zone when it comes to getting a phone signal, ordering via an app proves impossible without pottering off down the road. Not that we’re famished. Having sampled the world’s toughest burger and dirty fries at a services in Northampton on the way down, I’m glad we wait for breakfast. 

All great hotels need a fantastic bed, and ours is out of this world. It’s so comfortable I imagine even an alien invasion would have trouble waking me. 

We’re first down to breakfast, which is in a cosy dining room split into two – part food area and part lounge, with a beautiful stained glass window, leather sofa and log fire. 
Grabbing a seat by the window, we enjoy cereal from the ’help yourself’ buffet area, and I order a full English. 

It does not disappoint with terrific scrambled egg, bacon, black pudding and mushrooms. La Fosse prides itself on locally sourced ingredients, as well as home grown herbs, as we discover that evening at dinner. 

Following a day of sun, sea, sand and shopping in Bournemouth (around half an hour’s drive away), as well as a trip to the New Forest (approximately 20 minutes drive), we’re ready for a cuppa, a chance to freshen up and dinner. 

New forest horses

We enjoy drinks in the garden, the centrepiece of which is a large wooden Scandinavian barbecue hut, which I imagine is perfect for chillier nights.
The drinks menu is nothing if not interesting. While Rachel opts for a Merlot, I’m intrigued by the alcohol-free gin and tonic.

It’s strangely compelling, but obviously without the gin-related melancholia. “The world’s first distilled non-alcoholic spirits”, as the menu announces. It’s a curious experience, but well worth a try. 
There’s an exhaustive wine list, so no shortage of choices there. 
For dinner, we enjoy complimentary bread and butter with rape seed oil, and dukah (an Egyptian condiment featuring herbs, nuts, and spices). The latter is a moreish revelation, which is a great touch. 

My starter is chicken terrine with Shaftesbury charcuterie, and sweet sherry melon, which is a lovely blend of flavours and ideal for a summer’s night. Rachel’s spinach and mushroom puff pastry tartlet is also rather delicious, with or without rhubarb. (I usually opt out). 
The main is wonderful. Grilled hake is beautifully soft, tender, and cooked to perfection, with a Dijon mayo and butter bean and cold French bean salad; an ideal mix of delicate flavours. The portion control is also spot on, especially as I want to save room for the final course. 

Rachel’s corn and chipotle fritta with tatziki is equally delicious. “It’s got a really nice flavour. I expected it to be crispy for some reason,” she explains. “I like the fact it doesn’t sit heavy.”

Then there’s possibly the world greatest cheeseboard, or rather cheese slate. 
We enjoy nine out of 10 cheeses, ranging from goats to a blue cheese, and all the variations inbetween.

A Parmesan substitute has a hint of hot dogs due to its smoky flavour, and though a ewe’s cheese makes us go “eww!”, others might love it. Either way, nine out of 10 is a pretty good score from a duo who take their cheese as seriously as La Fosse’s grand fromage. 

Though the goat’s cheese is crying out for a chutney, the rhubarb makes a great substitute.
“I’d never had rhubarb with cheese… but I will be from now on,” enthuses Rachel. “It’s a really nice balance of flavours”. 
I’m also sold on the red pepper, which on the side works rather well. 
We retire for the night, and sleep like two people who’d just spent three days awake at Glastonbury. 

Following breakfast and a wander round Cranborne on Sunday morning, we set off with a heavy heart. It’s obviously not close to Yorkshire, but La Fosse is a great place to stop for a few days or longer, whether on holiday or on a road trip around the south. And despite a dull 34-mile stretch, aptly on the A34, the drive isn’t bad at all. Maybe that’s the penance we pay for enjoying a few days of glorious weather and even better hospitality. 

Hotel review – The Lume, Manchester 
Roger Crow/@RogerCrowWhat is the secret of life?
Well, glad you asked. Holidays, and lots of them. And if you haven’t got endless days at your disposal because of a little thing like work, then mini breaks are definitely the solution. 

The Lume – The new toast of Manchester

So, this Friday night at 5pm it’s a case of rush home for a cuppa, throw some things in a case and head for one of Manchester’s newest hotels. 
The dinner we had booked at The Lume for 8pm is more like 8.30pm due to a bit of trouble matching the sat nav to the car park post code. Eventually we find one, and £10 for 24 hours isn’t too bad. 
Thankfully within a few minutes of dispensing apologies for lateness, we are shown to our table, and start feeling more human again. 

The Laureate restaurant

The restaurant is terrific. Part of the lobby has been annexed to form The Laureate, a spacious, airy eating place which boasts beautiful lighting and a cooking area in which to watch hard working folks prepping our order. 
I order a mocktail, which is a perfect thirst-quencher. 

Mocktail

For starters I opt for the sushi rolls with wasabi and pickled ginger, which is a revelation. Sushi never used to be my thing, but in recent years I’ve been converted, and this is the best I’ve tasted. Anywhere. 

Rachel goes for flatbreads, which are equally moreish. As I’ve ordered pizza for main, I don’t want to overdo it. And the crispy beef and blue cheese pizza when it arrives is delicious. As is Rachel’s vegetarian Vietnamese Pho, with shiitake, rice noodles and spring onions. 

All the dishes and drinks are great value, and there’s little chance of feeling like you’re paying inflated prices. 
So that’s phase one of the operation over: have a terrific meal, but how does our king suite check out?

Well, it involves a little navigation to check in. The first few floors of the hotel are owned by Crowne Plaza, so we have to go up to floor 18 to find the Staybridge Suites’ reception. That doesn’t take long, and we also get to witness the sunset of the year.

It’s the longest day, and the skyline over Manchester is breathtaking. The fact the communal lounge area is mostly empty is a bonus. We wander around taking in the view from every available spot, while soaking up the elegant decor. The enormous teddy bear on one sofa means Rachel gets to collapse into his arms for a few minutes. 

Our suite is phenomenal. A kitchen area with everything you need to cook a meal and wash up, including a dishwasher. There’s a living area with comfy sofa and huge TV, and obviously posh coffee making facilities. If you prefer a cuppa, there’s that too, though very little milk, so best to bring a bottle with you, and a box of tea. (You can get ready meals and provisions from the check-in area shop if you fancy, and they’re all at an affordable prices rather than over inflated price tags that some hotels opt for). 

The bathroom is spacious and spotless, with a great ’panto’ power shower. (The controls are behind you). 

The bedroom is dominated by a huge bed, which proves incredibly comfortable; wardrobes with motion sensor lights, and another huge TV. If there’s nothing you fancy on the box, you can stream content from your phone or tablet via the free WiFi. 
Oh, and should you need to charge up either, there’s USB ports for that too. 

And again, there’s that amazing view which on the longest day proves better than any hi def TV. 
After a coffee from the Nespresso machine, we retire for the night. 

Following one of the most comfortable sleeps I’ve had in months, and a glorious shower, it’s time to face the breakfast area. 
It’s around 9am and the place is buzzing with life. We manage to find a table in the glass partitioned eating area, which boasts those wonderful views. We’re a little late, so grabbing a bite to eat turns into a military operation as hungry punters cross cross from the toast to cereal to juice area. It’s not long before we have scrambled egg, toast, sausage, bacon, mueseli and cappuccinos and can enjoy breakfast. 

Following which we have a tour of the facilities care of a hotel guide who looks likes Alec Baldwin, circa 1988. I’m not the first person to mention it, and suggest that if he tires of the hotel business, he should send off some photos to Hollywood. Not that he needs to – he does a great job of showing us the different rooms and facilities. The DIY laundry is free, which is a bonus. Just bring your own washing machine pods. 

The queen suite is obviously smaller than ours, but still very alluring, and the prices again are very attractive. Good to know if we fancy a few days of luxury in the near future and want to enjoy Manchester in style – preferably for a few days as Staybridge Suites offers complimentary drinks at teatime, and social events which make longer stays more attractive. Naturally the longer you stay, the cheaper it can be, and given the chance we could happily set up residence for a week or more. 

There’s no shortage of options if you’re looking for a business conference, and the gym is excellent, for those who want to work on that “beach-ready” body – or whatever the buzz term is this season. 

We wonder how expensive is it “off season”. And then of course we realise there is no off season in Manchester, as it’s always thrumming with some event, match, gig or festival. 

Following that excellent tour, in which I go ga ga over the lighting, and tech facilities, we walk off breakfast with a 1.5 mile trek into town. Obviously you can get buses and taxis, but as I spend a week behind a desk, I grab any chance I can to burn off calories. 

And of course there’s no end of attractions, whatever your taste. I don’t really need to sell Manchester; it does a great job on its own, but good to know in future that if we want to enjoy any of the myriad events on the relative doorstep, we can enjoy one of its best hostelries, and eateries, without worrying too much about the cost. 

It’s not so much a case of ’if’ we return to The Lume and outstanding Staybridge Suites, but when. 
The staff are excellent, the rooms terrific and the food is to die for. I get the feeling even the real Alec Baldwin would approve. 
Ends.